You're completely useless in the revolution.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
