I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
