Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
