i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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