Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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