Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
