Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
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omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
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My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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