now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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