she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
