i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Its about making memories worth repressing
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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