glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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This beer is not sobering me up at all
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
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I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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