Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
