I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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