I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
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You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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