Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
