I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
