4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize