I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
