Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
