So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
