It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
