Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
