Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
