just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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