apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
