and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
