based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
