everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
