You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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