grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
