I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
