my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
