So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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