what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
