I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
