I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
