I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you win again, gameday.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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