I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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