I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
