why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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