another moral hangover. fuck.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
