and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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