In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
