She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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