I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
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i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
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yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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