A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
