Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
