Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
