wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
