I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
