cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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