Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
