I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
