Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
