She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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