Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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