how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
