she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
