I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
