I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
