Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
