I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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