..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
kristin has been a bad kristin
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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