hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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