I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
