Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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