Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
