winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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