I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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