So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
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Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
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"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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