Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
