I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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