You're so nebulous sometimes
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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