well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
