I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize