That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
