4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
