I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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